Yearnin’ for a Returnin’!

by Leyna O'Neill

I’ve decided to completely succumb to my love of wordplay. Even though I fully recognize that it is positively Carrie Bradshaw-esque, I couldn’t help but wonder, what have I got to lose? Hence the name of this post: Yearnin’ for a Returnin’! I am also comforted by the fact that no one reads this blog. Even in its heyday i.e. Spring 2010 when I had adventures that I thought were truly blogworthy, viewership was dismal. While those days are long gone, I have decided to redefine ‘adventure’ and ‘blogworthy’. Between then and now I’ve had some conventional adventures such as spending a month in Turkey which I regrettably did not write about. I’ve also had some experiences which can be filed under the new kind of adventure, i.e. 7AM Wednesday mass in Boston…that would’ve been a great entry.

Maybe this is coming from some post-collegiate need to be creative, or maybe I’m looking to beef up my resume with legitimate knowledge of wordpress. Either way, I’m glad to be doing this again. I typically doubt my written skills and voice despite the excellence I claim to execute according to my resume, but deep down I know I’m not complete shit. That’s right, I believe in myself sometimes, and le blog is uncensored! Huzzah!

I decided not to change the name le blog despite being so far removed from everything that le blog was supposed to be. Even though a lot has changed in my life and in the world since then, I still think it’s a great name, and I’ll never not want to be just a little bit french.

So where am I now? Currently in New Jersey…living at home…..JOBLESS! The plight of the college graduate is so dismal these days, there’s a big part of me that wishes I could go back in time just to tell my 18 year old self to go to Rutgers and screw Northeastern. I would still be unemployed, but I would also be debt free. That kills me. Of course if I hadn’t gone to Northeastern, I surely would have regretted it, never had the experiences, blah blah blah. I’m far enough removed from college that it takes more than a passing thought to get me nostalgic. It’s funny how that can happen in only a month.

I’m caught somewhere between wanting a job and wanting nothing more than to actually jump inside the T.V. and shake Kim Kardashian for being such an idiot for calling Khloe a troll…I’m going to be completely honest about my interests these days. E! is on all day. It’s what I call the Kardashian Vortex. It’s honestly worth an entire post so I think I’ll save it for another day, but in the meantime I’ll just say that I can’t help but get sucked in.every.time.

Honestly I do want a job, I can’t stand living off of my parents and being bored out of my mind all day, hence the return to le blog. I definitely thrive in a work environment and I guess I’m just waiting for the right opportunity to present itself, which is a completely idiotic approach to getting a job. At least I realize this. I just need to send out the barrage of resumes and cover letters, and I will…one day…soon…but not tomorrow.

A huge part of the problem is that I have no idea what I want to do. I know what I’m qualified to do and I know what I would probably be good at, but it still seems a little unfulfilled. Am I really supposed to spend the rest of my life behind a desk? It just doesn’t seem like me, or at least the me that I see, especially the me that I see in five or ten years. So here’s hoping that “So where do you see yourself in five years?” is not one of my interview questions for Administrative Assistants R US.

It’s difficult to figure all of this out, but wasn’t that why I went to Northeastern? I have experience but all those internships taught me, really, was what I don’t want to do. I need to be in a creative industry. That’s the best I’ve got so far.

Oh 12:20 AM, how you’ve changed over the years. I can only hope that you will once again be the hour of panic and nervous breakdown as you were for the majority of my college years. That was the 12:20 that I like to remember. Burnt out, silently slamming my head against the wall so as not to wake my roommate, and pulling genius out of my ass. Here’s hoping.

Le blog, it feels good to be back!